Tales of Symphonia: Dawn of the New World

Rating: 1 out of 3 Stars (why only 3 possible stars?)
Genre: JRPG
ESRB: T (for sparkly swords and teenage melodrama)
Estimated hours of gameplay (thorough play/quick play): 70/32
Developer: Namco Tales Studio
Wiki page

So I decided to be lazy and do a retro review for a game from 2008. Consider it a challenge for my long term memory. But I also really wanted to talk about this game because I have no idea what the developers were thinking. Well, I can take a guess. They saw that Tales of Symphonia did well, so they decided to make a quick and dirty cash grab with this thrown-together sequel. The way they did it, though, is something I don't know if I've really seen before. It's almost like they were TRYING to piss off their fans. I don't think they were, but that just seems like an easier explanation for this complete bullshit. I know not everyone in America knows about the "Tales" series. It's like the Final Fantasy series in that each game takes place in a different universe, yet at the same time each new game is a lot like the last one. Another difference is that these games aren't stupidly over-rated. I could say they are under-rated here in America, their popularity is hopefully more well-adjusted in Japan. Anyway, I'll try to fill you in on the first game because a lot of what's wrong with this game comes from being a bad sequel. Let's start with the main character: Emil. He's decidedly not Lloyd Irving from the first game. Lloyd's just sort of ... around. And he's not voiced by Scott Menville, either.

Were you wondering what happened between Lloyd and Collette, or maybe Sheena? Too bad.

Which is the first major problem. Now I'm not saying I automatically hate the idea of a new character. I thought the fact that they used a new character in Prototype 2 was a good concept (although maybe not entirely executed well) and I wished they used a new character in Infamous 2 and had a more complete ending for that guy in the first game. The problem is that there was some potential for continued plot lines for the Symphonia characters. We sort of get to see how all the people from the first game are doing, but don't really get too many answers. I guess they were just sort of dicking around in the two years that have passed between the two games. They come by as like... cameos in a movie. Cameos are cool and all. I was hoping Stan Lee would show up in Dark Knight Rises and say, "Spider-Man could kick your ass!" (spoilers: he didn't) but this is the continued story of these characters. So... they should be important, right?

I would also accept a Stan Lee cameo in a Tales game. Look! He can be a cartoon guy. Why not?

So who do we have instead that's so Goddamn important that we're hearing about him instead of the people the game is supposed to be about? A whiny kid who turns into a guy who can fight, a sycophantic girl, an unplayable talking puma, and random Pokemon. I really don't care about this stereotypical anime guy: an amnesiac who discovers the power to fight. I've heard that before. So why did they find it so necessary to push this into the forefront of the story and push everything else out the airlock? What this ends up feeling like is a bad fanfic. Whoever wrote this shit just decided to shoe horn in everything he thought was cool. The only thing that's missing is Spock making out with Kirk.

Not gonna Google that. Here's something referenced earlier in the paragraph.

Then there's the world. Since this is the exact same world as the last game, they just copy-pasted the old dungeons into this new game and reused all the enemies, too. On top of that, they removed the "over world" style exploration in favor of some kind of Super Mario map layout where you travel only between dots on a map. You can still grind if you want to because there are some bullshit missions you can pick up. Each one has you visit the same cave a few times doing the exact same mission each time. The only difference in the missions is that the difficulty will scale up.

And there's not much to say about the combat. It's pretty much unchanged from the first Tales of Symphonia, and each Tales game is fairly similar. The main difference is the Wiimote, which is a piece of shit. Thankfully they had the genius design idea of "let's not throw in a bunch of motion controls" so it stays very tolerable. Another thing that's different is the playable characters: Emil and his creepy stalker girlfriend. And that's it. You can fill in the other two spots using fucking random animals that you steal and force to be your slave (Pokemon is kind of a dark concept when you think about it. Like, it's Michael Vick World, basically.). You can also alternatively use one of the original characters from the first game in one of those creature slots. BUT YOU CAN'T PLAY AS THEM DIRECTLY. Furthermore, they can't level up. And if you are being a thorough RPGamer, this generally means they are 20+levels behind you when you find them.

Both worlds are saved, guys! Let's all take a 2 year nap and forget how to fight!

So what the fuck happened? Did they really just try to make an incredibly cheap attempt to squeeze a few more dollars out of the Symphonia title? Are they aware of how badly they spit in everyone's face? Were the developers forced to do this so they turned out shit just out of pure spite? Like, they crossed their arms and said, "No! Story over! No more!" On top of all these terrible things, there are dozens of problems with this as a stand alone game. The graphics are not that good (probably the Wii's fault) and the story itself, assuming you ignore the existence of the first game, is full of bizarre nonsense: ridiculous redundancy, numerous cliches, and characters that are so far beyond forced into the story that it never flows. That, and Lloyd is uncharacteristically mean. So, yeah, fucking characters are incorrect. It's like Beast Machines all over again.

I feel better if I share my pain...

Conclusion:
Uh, who WOULD buy this game? Not fans of Tales games. Not fans of Symphonia. Not fans of JRPG's. Not Americans. Stubborn people? Collectors? Masochists? I guess masochists. So if you like to hurt yourself with disappointment and like JRPG's, play the first Tales of Symphonia and then play this one. It'll give you a good cry.

Torture: fun for everyone!