5 New Video Game Genres

Many people complain that too many games come out that are the same genre. Usually this complaint is about first person shooters, third person shooters, cover shooters, or shooters in general. I could say the same is true of fantasy RPG's. But I don't hate those, there's just a lot of 'em. People who hate shooters tend to like RPG's, though. Funny how that works. And back in the day, just about every game was either a side-scrolling platformer or a side-scrolling beat-'em-up. The reality is that most every genre still exists out there. You just have to be willing to look for it. If you weren't so Goddamned lazy and did that, then MAYBE the video game industry would pump out more of the genre you like. Also, you'd have to be willing to pay money for it. I'm looking at YOU, PC point-and-click adventure game enthusiasts!

Ahem, at any rate. Uh... hey, what if things were more like Japan and there was all kinds of crazy bullshit out there for you to watch videos of on YouTube but never buy? I thought of five new genres I'd love to see. I might actually play these things, too! ... maybe.

5. Motion Control Dance Fighting

Hip-hop-kido. Legit.

Alright, maybe not this one. But there are a shitload of dancing games out there and there's at least one fighting game on the Kinect, so this is the bridge in the gap between girly games and games for people who actually play video games!

Hell, Batman: Arkham Asylum was originally supposed to be some kind of bullshit rhythm game. I could totally see it! Only that version would probably be the Adam West Batman instead of Kevin Conroy. Whatever, I'd still want to be the black ranger from Power Rangers over Batman.

4. Free Form Racing

I have a big problem with racing games. For me, games are at their best when I feel like I can explore and forge my own path and journey and blah blah. And racing is the exact opposite of all that because you just follow the fucking road. Sure, there are shortcuts and stuff. But that's not really defeating my point, now is it?

So... I just want to, like, Skyrim my way around in a car. If I happen to go off sweet jumps or turn out awesome tricks? Bonus points. Just let me be free, man.

And also there should be people and things to run over. I mean, there has to be, right?

3. Single Player MMO

I always hear people say how they'd love to play an MMO version of something. Usually it's Pokemon they're talking about, but it can be other things. But why? Why do they want that? How would re-packaging something you hate in a frilly new outfit improve things? This is like putting a new paint job on your clunker of a car and expecting it to feel like driving a powerful, new muscle car.

So here's the solution! Either make single player games that FEEL like an MMO, or port existing MMO's into single player versions. I know I'd play WoW again if I could have a Dragon Age-style party system and not deal with other people (especially if it was on fucking XBox, for crying out loud). At the same time, what is playing an MMO really like when you're alone? There's just a shit load more "NPC's" and spam, that's all.

Of course, the game might get an Ao rating if it realistically mimicked the public channels of an MMO. Wuh ha!

2. Create-a-Character: The Game

Have you ever spent hours perfecting your custom character only to get bored of him/her after playing the game itself for a few minutes? I know I have. So why are we kidding ourselves? The create-a-character mode should BE the game!

I know there's stuff like Second Life and other things where there's little to do outside character creation. But I don't think that's enough! Just how far can this rabbit hole go? I want to know.

And then I don't want to actually do anything with it. At most it'll be a funny anecdote later on in life, but no actual gameplay! Genius!

1. Kinect Games You'd Look Cool Playing

One of the biggest problems with Kinect and most other motion control games is having to stand up. That's so awkward, man. Look at Kirk up there, all confident and cool. That's how we all want to be when we're playing video games. That'll never happen, but we'd like to think we'd look this cool when gaming!

Just lounge around, issue orders with a single gesture or catch-phrase. Calmly take a drink of your preferred beverage while the NPC's in the game flip out. If it's something like Mass Effect, you'd quip about making time for love with a blue-skinned woman and get bonus points if you don sunglasses at the end of your statement.

Or, you know, games where you don't flail your arms like an idiot in order to do everything. That'd be a good start.