Witcher 2: Assassin of Kings (Enhanced Edition)

Rating: 1 out of 3 Stars (why out of 3 stars?)
Genre: RPG
ESRB: M (just about the hardest M can be: tons of profanity, unavoidable sex and nudity, and gore)
Estimated hours of gameplay (thorough play/quick play): 32/20
Developer: CD Projekt RED
Wiki page

Believe me, I'm as surprised as you are about my one star rating. Just remember, though, that does not entirely make it a bad game. It just means I don't recommend it (not without a bunch of warnings, gripes, and rhetorical questions, at least). I had heard a lot about this game when it first came out. But the main thing I knew about it was that it was a PC only title. So I said "Fuck it".  Then a little over a year later it came out on XBox, so I figured I had no excuse.

This game is a fantasy RPG where the player controls a man named Geralt, whose profession is that of a Witcher (in this universe, that means he is a monster slayer). It uses a third person perspective and controls in real time, like an action game (IE. God of War). However, it does NOT shy away from being a full-blooded RPG as opposed to merely having watered down "elements" of one. So far, this game sounds a lot like it would be right up my alley, as well as a lot of other people. And it does this job well. So well that it seems to have a bit of a fanatical following. Its Wikia pages are robust and typing questions into Google generally brings up a whole discussion on the game where at least one person comments on how awesome it is. So what's so bad about it? Basically, a million little things. I don't think I can really say one piece of this game is genuinely bad, but what I did find was that I was constantly complaining as I played it. So I started a list. And, holy shit, it is a fucking long list. If you want to read it, I'll tack it on at the end of this review. If I actually elaborate on every point then this will turn into a Goddamn novel.

I randomly found a picture of Geralt as a My Little Pony while writing this.

One thing I don't want people to think is a strike against the game is the amount of gameplay hours offered. I know a few people who think RPG's need to always be some sprawling, 70+ hour game. The thing is: those games use a lot of time consuming tricks that this one doesn't. It doesn't force you to grind ridiculous amounts or invent a bunch of idiotic ways to force you to spend 10 minutes on travel time over and over. It does do SOME grindy stuff, don't get me wrong, but it is very minimal. Most of your time is actually taken up with story and conversations. I do know some people who hate games with a lot of talking, but I did say this was a "full-blooded" RPG didn't I? So that should be considered a strength when done right.

Edge of your seat excitement!

And story, for the most part, is done well. Again, there are some fans who I've read saying it's "the best story ever" and other hyperbolic mumbo jumbo but I'm a bit more picky (see list at the bottom). The plot has a definite goal in a single bad guy (something people who played Dragon Age 2 seem to think is a requirement of storytelling... because they're kinda dumb...) and yet at the same time is a journey. I appreciate that bit of cleverness as it does an effective job in holding the player's attention while still trying something broad in scope. And what RPG story wouldn't be complete without decisions? Witcher 2 has gotten some high praise in the decisions, but I've actually got mixed feelings over them. Most games give you very polar, binary decisions to make. Like in Fable 3: at some point the player is asked if he'd like to DONATE a bunch of gold to repair an orphanage OR he can choose to RECEIVE a shit load of cash from the profits of building a whorehouse. But Witcher 2 sticks to decisions that aren't clear cut at all. Does Geralt help his asshole friend go on a warpath or does he help the terrorist elf with the heart of gold? It's interesting that it forces you to think, but dammit... I just always want to play my character like Bender B. Rodriguez: rob everyone for no reason.

Clearly the best candidate for saving the world.

Combat isn't a complete success (see list at bottom), but the things attempted are ideas in the right direction. Like many action games, there are two primary attacks: one light and one heavy. But it doesn't restrict you to a bunch of stupid combo lists to achieve the best effects (Pro tip: XXY is the best combo. I don't care what game, it always is. If not, then XXXY). Despite this simplicity, there are layers of complexity and a bit of variety offered in tactics. The recent Batman: Arkham games did this the best (except there's only one attack) and I always say that more games need to rip off those two. Witcher 2 offers a few spells and numerous consumables to mix it up. And the talent tree allows the player to specialize in swords, alchemy, or magic. It doesn't have too much restriction in terms of plotting a build, so there's "infinite" customize-ability depending on your fighting style. I went with alchemy and was pretty happy spamming bombs at everyone. I appreciate that the tree is designed to let each playstyle become OP and I can feel some effort was made to balance it out. It's not completely balanced, sure, but it leads to some good arguments!

Numbers!

One last thing I wanted to touch on was how XBox handles this game. I watched some videos on the internet of people playing the PC version (I was looking for explanations of quests because some things in this game make no fucking sense, see list at bottom) and I noticed a few things: all of them have to do with graphics. How the game handles the UI and controls seems comparatively competent. Basically the textures are not as detailed, there are constant- but quick- texture pop-ins, there is a limit on draw distance, and there are more doors. It was quite funny watching people walk through areas unimpeded by the doors in my game, like some kind of alternate universe, heh. But yeah, those are additional load screens. I would say this is a limit of the 360, but the game engine is questionable. The first Witcher game used the Aurora engine (from fucking Neverwinter Nights) and I don't really know their level of technical prowess. It's no CryEngine 3. I always wonder why some games run better than others. I tend to think this is the fault of the developer, not the XBox, for not being able to work within their means.

Conclusion:
A solid RPG for those with the fortitude to withstand a game with constant flaws. If you do play, turn on subtitles! Oh, God! The mumbling!

Time for bitching! Yay!

WARNING: the following has slight spoilers. I'll be as general as possible. Bigger gripes are underlined.




-Combat in this game is clunky. What animations Geralt chooses to use are random. The difference between heavy and light attacks doesn't always make sense. Geralt is slow and easily stun-locked, this means that the ONLY way to fight is to spend all your time running in a circle. This just looks silly.

-Geralt can't use potions in combat, but the game constantly throws him into combat without being able to prepare.

-Alchemy ingredients weigh nothing, but potions have weight. This makes me carry around ingredients but no potions to cheat the system. Potions should be weightless as well.

-Geralt can't redrink potions. So if you have 30 seconds left on your buffs, it's best to simply wait around until they fall off (sometimes the wait feature does not let you use it due to the story or something)

-Constant blinking. Going between screens always causes a flash of a black screen. This is hard on the eyes.

-Can't reach oils from meditation screen. I really feel like all enhancements should be reachable from one menu. I have to keep closing and opening windows so damn constantly.

-Oils, potions, ingredients, and bombs are not separated on the alchemy screen. They're all just mashed together in the order you purchased the recipes.

-Throwing daggers, traps, enhancements, weapons, clothing, and ingredients are not separated at the crafting screen. Again, thrown together in the order you bought them.

-Recipes are not unique. The game doesn't bother to stop you from re-buying the same recipe.

-Buffs still count down during conversations and cutscenes. This means I will often save before a conversation, watch it all, and then reload the game if the conversation leads to a fight (cannot drink potions in combat).

-Throwing daggers are crafted one at a time. BULLSHIT.

-Throwing daggers only have one talent that affects them and it is a static bonus. There is only one throwing dagger recipe and they scale poorly as a result.

-Item "rarity" is disproportionate. The most valuable item in the game seems to be oil. I have a shit load of Goddamn diamonds but nothing to do with them. Ridiculous!

-Randomness of alchemy ingredients! Skyrim is a better system: you can experiment based on what you find and once you learn to like certain ingredients, you can figure out where they grow. In this game, random shit just grows everywhere and there is no experimentation and no way to farm specific ingredients.

-Inventory is not organized. It's not alphabetic and it changes randomly on its own. There are no features to let me organize it myself. This is an OCD person's nightmare!

-Geralt cannot intelligently loot items. He can only loot everything all at once.

-Sometimes unable to loot things highlighted by medallion.

-Day cycle does not work. I cannot tell if it is night or day by looking at the fucking sky. I can only tell the specific time by meditating and looking at the "wait" screen.

-When following an NPC through a door, he/she will close it in your face.

-Superfluous amount of mutagens. There is no way to undo the use of a mutagen, so it's best to wait until you have a good one. Also, you only use ~5 of these in the entire game. There's no way to use lesser mutagens to make biggers ones. So why do I have so damn many of these things?

-Mutagens are not explained. Apparently, you HAVE to read the manual. I like manuals and all, but fuck you!

-"When poisoned" is not explained. The best talents in the alchemy tree all require this state. This is NOT in the manual. Searching the internet only brought up theories and no exact answers.

-Ability to close distance with sliding attacks is completely inconsistent. Sometimes Geralt will swing at the air with his enemy 10 feet away, sometimes he'll do a reckless jump just to reach someone in arm's reach.

-Kayran boss fight clunkiness: the trap, while good for an achievement, is so slow that it generally gets you hit. The ramp you run up to get on top of the Kayran has misplaced invisible walls. This fight is awkward overall.

-Letho boss fight clunkiness: there is a huge amount of talking beforehand, hard to get potions up. His "Quen" spell makes him totally invincible and Geralt becomes staggered if he sword strikes the shield. Room is far too tiny for this fight. Cutscene shows lots of clashing of swords, but clashing swords is never advisable in this game.

-Completely inconsistent animations: enemies are invulnerable during animations like casting or unsheathing weapons. These are times of incredibly HIGH vulnerability for Geralt and anything based in logic. Also, Geralt seems more prone to falling down and fumbling around during combat than anyone he fights.

-Geralt randomly will use items in combat more slowly than normal.

-Geralt sometimes does not do things I tell him to the first time. I've had this happen with things like opening doors and even combat related things like unsheathing a sword or using an item. And I'll just stand perfectly still like a moron. C'mon, Geralt, move your ass!

-Instant kill animation is so disorienting, it actually is a huge DISadvantage in combat.

-Sometimes Geralt will turn while rolling instead of just instantly rolling in that direction. This causes him to roll in a fucking circle!!!

-Defenseless during transitioning between areas. Things can still hit Geralt (and damage him) while he stands still and waits for the loading screen to come up.

-Wildly inconsistent damage, even while fighting the EXACT same monsters after reloading. Never could figure this out. Damage numbers, please?

-RPG difficulty curve stupidness. Game is difficult in the beginning. But once I had a bunch of cool talents and items, the game was nothing but a walk in the park.

-Yrden sign is bullshit. This spell makes people completely defenseless. It's the only way to beat certain early encounters, too. No traps are this effective.

-Trap blast radius is much larger than the trigger area. And because these take so long to set up and can hurt Geralt, I never use them.

-Did this game have no sound engineer? Volume of dialogue is wildly inconsistent. Some lines were clearly increased in volume in some crude way as there is audible distortion.

-Idiotic monologuing as bad guys escape. Roche at one point is standing over his prey, about to strike, when he hears some people in the distance. He then takes a whole minute explaining that he wished he had time to kill the person, and then runs away.

-Pacta Sunt Servana: could have been great if rest of game wasn't so clumsy. Lots of subtleties and hints of deeper issues, but I guess I assumed these were accidental and "failed" the quest.

-"Help Dethmold in his necromantic ritual" has incorrect pacing. Your speed is very limited, but I failed several times for walking too fast. I had to make sure the NPC's said everything, I was not allowed to simply follow the NPC like the game told me to do.

-Witchers are experts on monsters... so why do I need books to teach Geralt about monsters?

-One creature Geralt encounters often is called a "Nekker". The translation team probably should have chosen another name. There is a book called "Nekkers in the Mist" in the game. Is this a reference to "Gorillas in the Mist"? Isn't "gorilla" also a kind of racial slur for the same thing? What the fuck!?

-Geralt hates thieves, but spends most of game freely looting people's houses and containers.

-Vergen has no craftsmen or storage. This subzone renders Geralt unable to deal with his (my?) crippling OCD.

-Skalen Burdon is a moron. He's supposed to be a good gambler, but gives free gifts to people who defeat him. Also, one of his gifts didn't exist in my game.

-Storage system bullshit. I understand this causes the player to manage his inventory more closely. But when entering chapter 2 and 3, I spent the first hour slowly walking everywhere trying to find the damn thing so that I could get underburdened and run again!

-Relying on checkpoints is virtually hopeless. Here's a hint to all developers: game needs to save BEFORE and after every fight. Saving before would also help with the clumsy potion system in this game.

-Upside down map. Certain races (all of them?) in this universe place south at the top of the map instead of north. There are some quests that rely on reading maps from an item or journal entry rather than using your own, and sometimes they disagree on which way north is. There is no indication of north when you are simply walking around in-game, so this is just confusing for no reason.

-Map is quick to change-over to the world map when zooming, making it impossible to see the map of the area you are in all at once. This world map does not match your physical location enough to be of any help. Also, when changing screens, the map seems to re-center wherever the hell it pleases.

-In cutscenes, Geralt displays uncanny senses; hearing and smelling things that are completely undetectable. In normal combat, this is nonexistent; creatures and people easily sneak up on you.

-Radar does not work. Sometimes enemies do not appear on it, sometimes they appear on it forever despite being dead.

-No log of items received from quest completion. Sometimes I saw a list blink very quickly, but most of the time it was a fucking mystery.

-Low xp for kills, high xp for quests. This is a good idea for MMO's to use in order to try to quell bot'ers, but is unnecessary here. I leveled up a total of ONE time from killing things out in the field. As a result, I would often level up multiple times when returning to town. This made the pacing of the character development uneven and weird.

-Morial, the pregnant elf nonsense: some random broad shows up in the middle of the main story. She seems to serve no purpose but to remind the player that this is indeed a DARK fantasy setting. Geralt decides to give the baby to someone I've never seen before. So... huh? It's only mentioned one other time later in the story as a still image as Geralt reflects on his time in that town. The image shows the scene unfolding out of order.

-Amnesia is stupid, Cedric implies he knows something and that Geralt needs his memory to understand. Why doesn't he just tell him? Fuck you, Cedric!

-Invincible spawns when trying to see the Visionary. If Geralt enters the area from a secondary path it will fuck up the scripting for an event required to complete the quest. This quest is required to complete the main story, and this can therefore block progression.

-Use of the word "emo". Doesn't this word come from the music genre? That makes the use of this word by NPC's completely out of character and out of place.

-Able to play as Roche and King Henselt, but they are terrible. They cannot dodge and have no items or spells nor can they use any of Geralt's talents. They have nothing to compensate for this downside except high health and damage. Because of this, I got my ass beat when I played as the King. Regardless, the game then showed a cutscene with the King fighting a pretty even match.

-Dice poker awkwardness. First of all, this isn't "Poker" because these dice only have six sides. Poker is 1-10 and then three face cards. 5 of a kind is not possible with one deck of cards. Regardless, the problem is that the rules are never actually explained. Poker is pretty well known, but I think this still should be explained. The camera angles during the game are absurd; you can't see anything that is happening. The camera goes overhead once you have rolled so you can see your dice. However, the dice are so small that this game is likely impossible to play on a lot of TV's. I'm not sure how people could play this on PC!

-Unclear chat options. This is critical in a game where just about every choice can affect the game and potentially kill you. Ex: "I don't want coin". This phrase came after I asked someone for payment. I was hoping to ask for an item, it turns out Geralt decided he no longer wanted payment.  Another one: "I'm leaving with Triss." This was the only chat option available and because of the story it suggested that I was going to screw up the entire plot of the game. Fortunately Geralt decided to talk like a human being a couple lines later and didn't force me to reload from a previous save to try to figure out how to get a different conversation.

-Some quests can be failed. This is normally fine, except sometimes they get marked as failed when you *complete* in an alternate method.

-There's a quest where the dialogue says to talk to both NPC's involved, but *quest text* suggests talking to Roche and Iorveth are exclusive choices. It turns out that they are indeed exclusive and which one you choose SHAPES THE REST OF THE GAME.

-Sometimes the dialogue falls into the RPG pitfall of "being a bunch gibberish and politics."

-Unable to change the buttons. I kept pressing "A" to dodge, but that is the attack button! Agh!

-Once uncovered, the main bad guy's motives didn't really make sense to me.